Posts Tagged ‘humor’

Some of you are probably aware of this controversy already, but in the Full Tilt Poker lobby, heads up tables are currently displayed in alphabetical order. What this means is that whoever is lucky enough to get Table Acre or other names that occur early in the alphabet have by far the best chance of getting a fish to come and sit at his table.

I don’t know how much big of a deal this is at the small stakes, but in high stakes games it is really freaking annoying. There are usually 25-40 tables with just one player sitting and waiting for action, with just a handful of games actually running. Most of these nits sit out against any remotely decent player who tries to play them and just wait for fish. That’s all fine and good and totally their choice, but I don’t think they ought to be able to squat the most valuable real estate.  Read the complete post...

Even after days when I’m totally immersed in poker, it’s pretty rare for me to dream about the game (or to remember those dreams, anyway). I’m sure it’s happened before, but I can’t recall any specific instances. I had two such dreams last night, though.

In the first, I raised with ATo and get one caller. The flop came AA9. I bet, he called. Turn was a 7, I checked, he bet, I called. River was an A, and he had about half a pot-sized bet left in his stack, so I shoved. He tanked and called with J9. “I have it,” I told him, and proudly tabled… 97. I stared at my cards in confusion for a moment, then looked at the board and said, “At lease we chop it.” Then the dealer started shuffling the board back into the deck without awarding the pot to us. As he did, I saw the 9 and 7 and, confusing myself, announced that I had two pair and it’s not a chop. The dealer called for the floor, and while we waited, I realized that it actually should be a chop. Only now the dealer has decided to reconstruct the flop and he does it wrong, this time putting up AA975, turning it into a scoop for my opponent.  Read the complete post...

Ever since reading Tommy Angelo’s excellent Elements of Poker, I’ve been working on keeping calm and focused while playing live poker. This is no mean feat: the pace is glacial and the company grating. There are a million reasons to zone out, wander around, or get annoyed with someone. My mother, a yoga instructor, recently gave me a Thich Nhat Hanh book, and that, combined with Angelo’s advice, which itself draws largely on the famous Buddhist scholar, gave me some things to work on at the table. Specifically, both advise focusing on your breathing as a way to stay calm and conscious in the present moment.

As I say, I’ve been working on this for a while, and on Day 1 of the PCA, I felt like I was doing it about as well as I ever have. I was a statue, sitting placidly at the table, back straight, hands in my lap, slowly and deliberately breathing in and out.  Read the complete post...

Full Tilt No-Limit Hold’em, $10.00 BB (3 handed) - Full-Tilt Converter Tool from FlopTurnRiver.com

BB ($500)
Button ($2080)
Hero (SB) ($2060)

Preflop: Hero is SB with 3, 5
1 fold, Hero bets $40, BB raises to $100, Hero calls $60

Flop: ($200) 6, 7, 4 (2 players)
Hero checks, BB bets $400 (All-In), Hero calls $400

Turn: ($1000) 9 (2 players, 1 all-in)

River: ($1000) 2 (2 players, 1 all-in)

Total pot: $1000 | Rake: $1

Results:
Hero had 3, 5 (flush, seven high).
BB had K, 4 (flush, King high).
Outcome: BB won $999

The next orbit, vs. same guy:

Full Tilt No-Limit Hold’em, $10.00 BB (4 handed) - Full-Tilt Converter Tool from FlopTurnRiver.com

UTG ($1136)
Button ($1000)
SB ($1970)
Hero (BB) ($2000)

Preflop: Hero is BB with A, Q
UTG bets $30, Button calls $30, 1 fold, Hero raises to $133, UTG calls $103, 1 fold  Read the complete post...

We were looking for a place to stay last night in Estes Park, a resort town just outside of Rocky Mountain National Park. During the summer, the place is apparently over run with tourist families, but in December it’s a ghost town and lodging prices plummet. After walking out on one proprietress of a near-empty hotel who wouldn’t come down more than 5% on her price, we walked into a lobby presided over by a sweet, grandmotherly old lady named LuJean Dunlap.

She was cheerfully plump, with a knitted sweatshirt, bifocals, and a kind smile. But let me tell you, this little old lady was a straight hustler. We asked about rates for the night, and she trotted out the high-end stuff first:

“I’ve got a beautiful cabin, right on the river, hot tub, fireplace, kitchen, barbeque grill, doesn’t that sound like fun? That goes for $180.” She smiled encouragingly but we just gave her the silent treatment until she continued.  Read the complete post...

I overheard a pretty funny conversation today that reminded me of another funny Halloween incident from some years ago.

A Critical Difference

The child in this story is roughly 9 years old.

Father: How was your Halloween party today at school.

Son: Ummm, this girl Matilda, it looked like she was wearing a sign that said “Hitler.”

Father: Oh. Geez.

Son: Yeah, it turned out it just said “Highlighter” though.

Father: You don’t want to get those two confused.

The Priest

It’s been probably 12-15 years since I witnessed this one, but I still remember it vividly. The child, about 6 years old, is in a Party City with his mother, presumably shopping for a costume.

Son: Picks up a huge plastic scythe with a blood-covered blade nearly as long as he is tall, and holds it up for his mother to see. Mommy, mommy, I want to be a priest.  Read the complete post...

You may have seen David “Viffer” Peat on High Stakes Poker. He just sat down at one of my tables tonight and wrote this in the chat:

richreich: checks
Viffer said, “omg”
joe E scar: bets $120
Viffer said, “just  anyone in london”
foucault82: folds
loosefer: folds
richreich: calls $120
*** TURN *** [2c Js Tc] [5c]
richreich: bets $874 and is all-in
Viffer said, “just had the best sex ever with some ***** here”
Viffer said, “was gonnna sell her number”

Emily and I are currently camping in Nickerson State Park on Cape Cod. It’s a huge campground with hundreds of sites, and even past peak season it’s nearly at capacity. There just a few building with showers for the entire campground. The other night I visited one of them for the first time.

Inside, three shower stalls lined the back wall. Only one other person was in the men’s room, and he was in the middle of the three stalls. “Fish,” I thought to myself as I, seeing no other option, selected the cleaner of the two adjacent stalls.

With nothing better to think about as I showered, I contemplated his serious breach of bathroom ethics. Every man deserving of the name knows that when three adjacent stalls/urinals are available, you take one of the ones on the end so that should a second man enter, he doesn’t have to stand/sit immediately next to you. Only the most conniving, under-handed homosexual would do otherwise.  Read the complete post...