Posts Tagged ‘humor’

I had a bit of a rude surprise when checking out of my room this morning. Apparently my hotel package did not actually include the $1000 non-refundable folio that I thought it did, and on which basis I purchased a $300 massage. At first I thought this was an error on Atlantis’ part, but I just reread my confirmation and sure enough it says, “If your package includes hotel plus a $1,000 USD food credit”, which mine apparently did not. It also says, “Any funds that you have not used will be refunded to you upon check-out.” So yeah, I just can’t read. I probably wouldn’t have spent $200 at Nobu last night either…. Then again maybe I would have lost at credit cart roulette (I bought out so I could use the folio credit I thought I had) and eaten the $1500 bill, so I’m going to pretend that that was what was going to happen.

While I’m amending recent blog posts, I also have to admit to backsliding on my “don’t judge assholes” philosophy. I split a cab with fellow PokerStars Team Online member Andre Coimbra, whose flight was half an hour before mine, so I got to the airport plenty early. That was good, because the customs line was massive and there were only two agents working it. People all around me were just losing their minds with frustration.  Read the complete post...

Ballin’: I’m current on my way to the Atlantis Resort on Paradise Island in the Bahamas, where I’ll be staying for eight nights and playing in the $10,000 PokerStars Caribbean Adventure Main Event.

Anti-Ballin’: I’m bringing a small pantry with me, because it kills me to pay $20 for a sandwich.

So wish me luck, and please be patient if the blog and Twitter feed are quiet. Historically the internet at Atlantis has been atrocious and expensive, so while I’ve pre-written a couple of posts, I may or may not be blogging from the Bahamas.

Earlier this month, I posted about an organization that’s particularly important to me. I want to make clear, though, that whether you give to the Boston Debate League or to a cause that’s important to you, you really should consider giving. Not only can you do a lot of good for people in need, but it can also be fun for you. One of my favorite comedians, Louis CK, compares giving to charity to the excitement of gambling and gives some hilarious explanations of the organizations he’s supported:

I don’t play pit games, I don’t go to strip clubs, and I don’t get table service at Las Vegas nightclubs. Whole Foods is my leak.

Last night I was there for the second time in two days. My girlfriend has been cramming for the GRE and just had her bike stolen, so I wanted to get her a treat. At the bakery counter, they sell these mini chocolate mousse cakes that she likes.

The couple ahead of me in line were in their late 60′s. They looked lifelong outdoors people, he with scraggly beard, she with close-cropped hair and weather-worn face, both rail-thin.

There were two mousse cakes left in the display case. The woman behind the counter handed one to the old couple. “We need two, please,” the man corrected her. The last two.

The woman took out the other cake, inspected it for a moment, and then showed him a small blemish. Perhaps 0.5% of the icing had fallen off. “It’s a little broken, do you still want it?”

“We get a reduced price, right?” the man asked aggressively, leaning over the counter.

“No, I’m sorry.”

“It should be a reduced price, if it’s damaged.”

“I’m sorry, we don’t do that. We donate imperfect items to the food kitchen, we don’t ever sell them at a discount.”  Read the complete post...

After a low-key Friday night, Nico and I resolved to live it up on my last night in Madrid. We started off having dinner and watching the Barcelona-Seville game at a restaurant/bar across the street from his apartment. It was a bit of a dive but had surprisingly good food and there were a wide variety of people just kind of hanging out there, some drinking and watching the game, some just having dinner. Nico said that Spanish people spend a large percentage of their time in places like this, and that his roommate goes to this place every morning for breakfast. So despite the game ending in a draw, a good outcome for all the Madrid fans in the establishment since they won their game, it was a good time and a neat place to hang out.

From there we took a subway to Tribunal for some botellon, the fine Spanish tradition of outdoor, public drinking. I’ve never been a big fan of bars, since I’m mostly going to talk to the people I’m going with and could do that more easily and cheaply with drinks at home, but there is something to be said for the atmosphere and for being among people. Botellon is the perfect combination: you’re outside with plenty of other people milling around, but you’re drinking your own alcohol rather than buying it at inflated prices!  Read the complete post...

After all the hassle, the money did successfully make it to Cannes, so I am all bought in and ready to go! Play starts in a little over two hours, but I´m already having a great trip and have the beginnings of a trip report to share with you. I’m trying to set up Nico´s phone so that I can send occasional tweets, but since he´s in a different country it´s not cheap and I probably won´t be sending a lot of them. I’ll definitely update the blog at the end of the day though (and hopefully not before!) Until then, here’s what I’ve been up to so far (pictures forthcoming):

Our journey began at the tobacco shop, where naturally my continental companion needed to stock up on rolling papers, tobacco, and filters. Then we were on the road, zooming past revelers preparing to celebrate Fiesta Virgen del Pilar. The land surrounding Madrid is dry and brown, scorched by an eternal sun burning through a cloudless sky. Occasionally a crumbling stone cathedral set into the countryside would break up the monotony, but overall it was a dreary landscape, and I told Nico as much. He assured me it would get better.

It did. The brown hills turned green as we pressed northward. Mountains rose up out of the arid brush, and a dense fog clung to the horizon. We were in Basque Country.  Read the complete post...

Three weeks gone by and thousands spent,

I fled my homeland for this event,

matched wits with the pros and the keyboard droolers,

but fell to a series of beats and coolers.

Pay attention, friends! Don’t let those eyelids droop,

as I sing to you of my WCOOP.

On September 4th, bright and fresh,

I sat to find Liv Boeree on my left.

Immediately my equity took a dive,

without the benefits of meeting her live!

Nothing doing, quickly busted.

Have my long-dormant skills have gone rusted?

Another 6-max, another chance for Yahtzee,

Another seating draw beat, as I met with Raaszi.

He 4-bet shoved, my Queens held out,

and that was the end of de heer Veldhuis.

I ran over the table, never let up,

got down to two, and crushed it heads up.

Second table the same, got it heads up again,

but he made Kings and Queens, when I had Queens and Tens.

‘Twas was not the end of the sweat for me,

a player I backed was heads up at table 3!

But the bad beat fairy was right on track,

And he bubbled the final table Ace-King to Ace-Jack.  Read the complete post...

…since moving to Canada. All because of this hand:

PokerStars No-Limit Hold’em, $4.00 BB (6 handed) – PokerStars Converter Tool from FlopTurnRiver.com

Button ($468.50)
SB ($584.05)
BB ($400)
Hero (UTG) ($487)
MP ($400)
CO ($420)

Preflop: Hero is UTG with 2♣, 2♦
Hero bets $16, 3 folds, SB calls $14, BB calls $12

Flop: ($48) 2♥, 2♠, 8♦ (3 players)
SB checks, BB checks, Hero bets $28.20, 1 fold, BB raises to $72, Hero calls $43.80

Turn: ($192) K♣ (2 players)
BB checks, Hero bets $66, BB raises to $188, Hero raises to $399 (All-In), BB calls $124 (All-In)

River: ($816) 8♠ (2 players, 2 all-in)

Total pot: $816 | Rake: $3

Results:
BB had 8♣, 8♥ (four of a kind, eights).
Hero mucked 2♣, 2♦ (four of a kind, twos).
Outcome: BB won $813

The funniest bit is that even before PokerStars rolled his hand, I knew I was beat when I saw that river.